


no heat

by thiswasamistakeaaa



Series: move me, baby [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AU, BDSM, Bondage, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 15:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18594229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiswasamistakeaaa/pseuds/thiswasamistakeaaa
Summary: With pasts like theirs, it makes sense that some revelations would be harder hitting than others.Or; Andrew and Neil work out their kinks.





	no heat

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost:  
> There are brief, not super detailed allusions to both Neil and Andrew's past abuse. Still, their introspection into how their respective traumas interact with kink is a central theme to this fic (and most of the fics I have planned for this AU lmao), so please be aware and stay safe! 
> 
> Second:  
> Yeah, it's been almost a year since I've posted. ;((( i'm so sorry!! I started college and now I have so many unfinished drafts just WAITING to be published. Including the backstory fic to this one and Sir!!

Neil liked it when Andrew held him down.

That was for certain, at least. He loved feeling Andrew’s strong, thick hands pin his wrists down to the mattress, loved feeling them chafe a bit when he playfully struggled. He loved when Andrew would hold his thighs apart and look at him like he was a dessert, hazel eyes taking in every inch of him, held open for all to see. Heaven was when Andrew would let his chest press up against Neil’s back, blanketing him in warmth and comfort while forcing him to stay still.

So, in a way, it made sense that bondage had always intrigued him. But in many other ways it did not.

How could he enjoy it when he had to have Andrew hold him together on a regular basis, nightmares shaking him apart until he was crumbling into pieces? When he could still feel the cuffs cutting into his wrists, the lighter, the sharp fingernails piercing into his shoulders? It should make him sick to be tied up again and yet -- and yet he wanted it. He was sure of that, and that was what made him sick more than anything else.

 

* * *

 

Like many things, none of it mattered until it suddenly did. 

They had just gotten home from a night at Eden’s, where Neil had teased Andrew all night. He had worn the shortest shorts he owned, and Neil didn’t miss the looks Andrew tried to sneak. By the time they got home, it was clear that he could barely restrain himself from fucking Neil right in the doorway. 

“Clothes off,” Andrew ordered when they finally,  _ finally _ got to the bedroom. Neil quickly complied, and when he finished he was greeted by Andrew lounging on the bed, shirt halfway unbuttoned. Andrew gave him a look. 

Neil scrambled over to the bed and, at Andrew’s low  _ “Come on” _ , climbed up to straddle him. Then, he stopped. This was still shaky territory for them, Neil touching Andrew instead of the other way around, and the last thing Neil wanted was to move too quickly. Andrew wordlessly grabbed his hands and placed them on his stomach. “It’s okay,” he murmured. 

Neil hooked his hands into the juncture between Andrew’s hips and his thighs. Andrew shivered a bit as he dug his thumbs into the lines that he knew would make a perfect V-shape if they weren’t being hidden by Andrew’s black jeans. The jeans were only there as a formality at this point. The obvious tent made it clear how much this was affecting Andrew, though his face remained as impassive as ever. 

Neil’s hands itched with the urge to slide down. He wanted so much, things he had never thought he would even think of, let alone want. He wanted whatever Andrew could give him, whatever he would allow Neil to do _ , _ he wanted  _ everything. _

“‘Drew,” he almost-slurred, mouth not cooperating with the rapid thoughts buzzing around his head. This was not a scene, he knew. They were both too revved up to think clearly enough for that. Still, he knew he couldn’t touch unless Andrew said so.

“Not yet,” Andrew said. His eyes screwed shut for a moment. Then he drove a hand into Neil’s curls and pulled him down for a kiss, their teeth clacking together. Neil breathed out a laugh and Andrew breathed it in. After a few minutes he murmured, “Now yes.” 

Neil slid his fingers down Andrew’s soft stomach to grab his strong thighs. So contrary, just like the rest of Andrew. He felt them tense and relax a few times before finally calming. He flicked his eyes up to Andrew’s to see if he was alright, but Andrew’s stare felt more like a dare than one of hesitance. 

“Am I going to have to tell you step-by-step how to take off pants?” Andrew said, and  _ god _ , part of him wished he would. His hands weren’t really listening to him, but he knew they would obey Andrew. 

When he finally got his hands working, he unzipped Andrew’s pants and pulled out his cock. Neil took it in his hand, so,  _ so _ gently, like he had never seen it before. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Andrew said, before he gripped Neil’s shoulders and roughly flipped them around so that he was on top. 

Yet even as Andrew started jacking both their cocks off together, Neil could only focus on the arm that Andrew had braced against his chest. It pressed him hard into the mattress, unyielding and heavy. One of Neil’s arms had gotten tangled in the sheets when Andrew flipped them, and every pull of the fabric against his arm sent a bolt of  _ something _ through his body. 

Neil moaned as he came, his release streaking against his chest and Andrew’s knuckles. “Fuck,” Andrew said as he added to the mess on Neil’s stomach. 

The next moments were hazy. Andrew was talking. Neil’s arm caught as he tried to adjust their position. Then, Neil was too busy trying to remember how to breathe as his brain caught up with what had just happened. He knew he must look ridiculous, freaking out and flailing around in their bedsheets, but he couldn’t  _ stop _ . 

Then, just as quickly as the panic had set in, the weight on his chest was gone and his face was pressed against the soft cotton of Andrew’s shirt. Andrew was still talking, his words soft and urgent. His brain struggled to parse them, fear taking longer to thaw there than the rest of his body. 

“Andrew,” he finally managed to say. He sat back to look at Andrew. Concern bristled in the tightness of Andrew’s posture, the tenseness of his shoulders. “I’m okay,” Neil added, like that meant something.

“I’m going to ban that phrase from your vocabulary.” 

“You didn’t do anything,” Neil said quickly, before Andrew’s brain got the better of them both. “It was just --” he stopped. How was he supposed to explain this? 

“Just?” Andrew said, his expression looking too much like the therapist Neil knew he loved. 

“A lot. My arm got pinned.” 

“Fuck,” Andrew said. “I should have noticed. I know restraint is one of your triggers, this was on m--” 

“I liked it,” Neil blurted before Andrew could keep going. 

It was like someone had hit the pause button on Andrew. No, more like someone had smashed the TV in right at the dramatic reveal. He froze completely, his face going completely blank.

Neil took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Bondage, I mean. But I guess I didn’t realize just how much I liked it until just now.”  
“Then why the panic attack?” 

“I just,” Neil looked away, “feel like it’s kind of fucked up that I like it so much.” 

“Like how fucked up it is that I like ordering you around? That I like hurting you?” Andrew said. 

“It’s not the same thing.”  
“Where is the difference?” Andrew asked. There was no heat in his words, no emotion at all really. The unspoken words from people dead and alive hurt more than anything they could say to each other. 

 

* * *

 

The weeks after the incident were full of careful conversations to reassess their limits. Neil revealed he liked rope but still couldn’t handle the idea of having his legs restrained. Andrew revealed he liked forcing Neil into positions but only if he could see his face. And so it went, each trade quietly easing the tension between them. 

About a month later, Andrew said, “I have an idea.” They had just woken up, coffee just poured. 

“Mmm, about what?” Neil said, taking another sip. 

“What’s your favorite position when we fuck?”

Neil just about spit his coffee out. Andrew didn’t react, a twitch of his eyebrows the only indication that he had seen what happened.

“Sorry, I was just not --” he took a moment to wipe the remains of coffee off his chin, “expecting that this early in the morning.” 

“So do you have one?” Andrew said. He was always one to cut to the chase.

Neil hummed a bit before saying, “I’m not sure. I guess I like being on my knees more than anything.”

Andrew snorted and said something that sounded like “fucking bottom” before grabbing his mug of coffee-flavored sugar and leaving to get dressed for the gym. 

Neil waited until Andrew had left to go into their bedroom, where he was greeted with a black box. He lifted the lid carefully, and could barely stop himself from grinning like a fool as he tapped out a  _ Yes _ to Andrew on his phone. 

 

* * *

 

“Fuck,” Neil said as Andrew finished tying the last knot across his waist. Andrew’s mouth twitched with pride as he looked at his handiwork, the red ropes complementing Neil’s tan skin gorgeously. They criss-crossed across his chest and around his arms, holding them back -- loosely enough as to not spook Neil, but tight enough for him to feel it. 

“Alright?” Andrew said. 

Neil hummed in approval as he tested the rope’s hold, then looked at Andrew and said, “Yes, Sir.”

“You ready to see what I have for you, baby?” Neil wiggled around in excitement, only stopping when Andrew put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m going to let you see it before we put the blindfold on, okay?” 

“Okay,” Neil said, a bit breathless, before tacking on a quick, “Sir.” 

Andrew left his field of vision for a moment, leaving him kneeling in front of the bed. Neil had the passing fear that he could easily leave him like this, alone and helpless, but it was quickly overturned by a wave of affection for Andrew. His Sir would never leave him alone during a scene -- especially not one this new or intense for both of them. 

He was sure this was written all over his face as Andrew returned, because he faltered a bit on his way to show Neil what he had retrieved. Andrew’s hand seemed to reach for Neil’s face before he had even registered it, and Neil nuzzled into it immediately. 

“Junky,” Andrew murmured as he moved his hand away. Neil didn’t have time to think of a quip as his gaze settled on the large, ribbed dildo Andrew was holding. 

“I need that in me now,” he said before his brain could catch up with his mouth.

“That’s the plan.” Andrew took hold of Neil’s hips and raised him up until he was almost fully upright on his knees, then wedged the dildo between his ankles. Then, he slipped the blindfold over Neil’s eyes and said, “Down.” 

“Fuck!” Neil moaned as it pressed into him, unrelenting as he let his body weight sink down onto the hard length. He loved the slight burn as it stretched him, filling him up more than a normal cock could. They had experimented with toys bigger than what they were currently working with, but something about the blindfold made it so much more intimidating. That, and the fact that he couldn’t move other than up or down without falling over. 

His thighs shook as he tried to go down slowly and smoothly. If he were in a better state of mind, he would have chirped about how it was a good leg workout. But right now, he was really only capable of saying ‘Yes’, ‘No’, and ‘More’. He hoped that Andrew liked what he was seeing.

When he finally felt himself take it all the way to the hilt, he hunched forward a bit and heaved out a sob. Andrew had a hand on his back immediately, soothingly, and Neil straightened up to try to dissuade any doubts he may have. The cock shifted inside him as he moved, and Neil couldn’t help saying, “Fuck, that feels so good.” 

“Good,” Andrew said, low and deep. Was his voice really like that all the time? He wanted to melt into it, live in it forever. “One more thing.” 

“Wha--” Neil managed, before he felt something plastic (warmed up by Andrew’s hands, thank God), nudge up next to the dildo, settling near his hard dick. 

“It’s a vibrator. Yes or no?” Before Neil could finish saying “Yes”, Andrew had turned it on. 

“Shit,” Neil wheezed. He tried to rut up against it, but it was hard with his range of motion restrained and a hard cock up his ass. He whined in frustration until Andrew settled his hands on Neil’s hips. 

“Neil,” he said quietly, his voice much closer to Neil’s ear than he thought it would be, “I want you to fuck yourself on the dildo. Go slow. Take as much as you can.”

Neil whimpered as he strained his legs to move upward, away from the sweet vibrations. But the feeling of the dildo sliding out of him, ridges catching inside him, was heaven in itself. When he made it back down to the vibrator it was almost too much, his hips jolting as it overstimulated him. He kept going up, down, up, down even as his thighs burned and protested. 

He was glad he had the blindfold on for another reason now -- Though Andrew was getting used to Neil crying during scenes, it definitely still threw him off. Neil knew and hated the reason why, so it was something he tried to minimize. But now? It would have been almost impossible to stop the tears that burned his eyes behind the fabric.

The vibrations were just  _ too _ good, too inviting. It wasn’t until he felt Andrew grab his waist that he realized he had been rutting up against the vibrator instead of fucking himself. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Sir, I didn’t mean to stop,” Neil started babbling, trying to justify himself. But he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t get his legs to move, he just  _ couldn’t--  _

“Neil, give me a color,” Andrew said.

It took him a moment to shake himself out of his thoughts. Andrew’s thumb rubbed his hip soothingly. “Y- yellow, sir.” 

He felt Andrew go still for a moment. Then there was a hand caressing his face and slipping under the blindfold. “No, wait --” Neil said, trying to keep his voice calm for fear of scaring Andrew more than he already was. “Keep it on. I just- I just need to catch my breath a bit.” Andrew pressed his body up against Neil’s back -- more contact than he usually allowed in a scene. “It was just… a lot.” 

Andrew rest his head in the crook of Neil’s shoulder and said, “ _ ‘A lot’ _ , huh?” Neil could hear the smile in his words, though he doubted it was physically there. 

“Fuck off, you know what I mean.”

Andrew hummed in response. “Yes or no?”

“Yes, fuck yeah,” Neil said. Andrew pulled him in for a kiss before settling back behind him. 

“Come on, baby, like this,” Andrew murmured against his ear. Andrew’s hands gripped his hips as he lifted him up until he was almost off the dildo. He wished he could how Andrew must have looked as he lifted Neil’s entire body weight. Neil cried out as he was slammed back down, Andrew setting a brutal pace as he fucked Neil onto the dildo. Andrew moved one hand to grip the ropes holding his arms back and suddenly every jolt pulled and chafed against his entire body. 

Neil couldn’t do anything but moan as he felt himself get used. It felt so much better than when he had had to do it himself. He loved how rough Andrew could get when he let himself let go. He was so close, his moans cracking on almost every thrust as Andrew angled it towards his prostate. The vibrator was so close and yet so far, maddeningly too much and yet not enough. Neil could feel his mind slipping away as he was manhandled just the way he loved. 

Andrew tipped him forward and pushed him all the way down the hilt. Neil gasped as the vibrations doubled and Andrew forced him closer to them. He ground Neil against it, unrelenting. “Don’t come. You can take it,” he said. Neil couldn’t even form the words to respond, his entire consciousness focusing on how good it all felt. The moans he could make were garbled and pained. 

“Andr - Sir, I can’t- Fuck. I’m gonna come --” Neil managed to get out after a full five minutes of it. Andrew pulled him back and off the dildo. Neil almost sobbed with relief. 

“Good boy,” Andrew said. Andrew maneuvered Neil into his lap and grabbed Neil’s cock, stripping it hard and fast. “So good for me,” he kept saying, the praises endless, and it didn’t take long before Neil was coming. Neil knew he was openly crying at this point, but he couldn’t stop. Or talk, or do really anything but nuzzle into Andrew’s chest and sob. He felt floaty and far away, distantly recognizing Andrew removing the blindfold and ropes. 

The scene that greeted him as he opened his eyes was gorgeous. Andrew was shirtless, face flushed, eyes heavy and warm. 

“Fuck me,” Neil said, breathless. The words felt weird and wobbly on his tongue.

“Not tonight.”  
“Do you want me to...” Neil said, moving towards Andrew’s waist. 

“No. I just --” Andrew looked away. “I just want to hold you.”

Neil smiled, big and goofy. “Okay.”

Andrew was quiet for a while, content with letting Neil rub his face into his chest and do other dumbass subspace things he liked. Neil knew this was hard for him, the  _ feelings _ part, so he stayed quiet out of mercy. 

“Did you like it?” Andrew asked quietly, almost too quiet to hear if Neil hadn’t felt the words rumble against his face.

“Yeah,” Neil said, intelligently.

“Good. That’s… good.” Andrew said, like a genius. 

Neither of them had ever claimed to be good with words.


End file.
